Colorless Eyes - LKJSlain

Awake too late
and I'm looking for the answers -
too many questions in my head.
Was it right?
Was it wrong that I remember.
Something left unsaid.


I'm not the devil
But I wear a good disguise.
I'm not psychotic,
I'm just strange.
I have no sympathy for colorless eyes
I need time to re-engage.


The chance I need
Is in your grasp
You hold the rope around my neck
Now it's time to gasp.


I speak a lot of words
that have very little meaning
Around 1AM I pour out me
Will you ever reach out to me
or is that out of the question
What do you need me to be?

I write thoughts down that transcend
your every fiber.
Maybe you feel me inside your soul.
And if that scares you
then baby I've only just begun my fight.
I need a moment to become whole.


The chance I need
Is in your grasp.
You hold the rope around my neck
Now it's time to gasp.

The dreams I have
are reflected in your mind.
The one's we've always left unsaid
Turning the page
has never been easy for either of us
It's time to do the thing that I dread.

I know you think
that I have my own agenda now.
I know you think I see an end.
But colorless eyes
tell an entirely different story now
Why can't it just be that you're my friend?
Why can't it just be that you're my friend?
Why can't it just be that you're my friend? - LKJ Slain

Admittedly, a no one

So, at some point in my existence. (Okay, ever since I could speak really) I have always had this idea that someday I would make a "play" "movie" / something???

I am standing here, in 2012 to tell you, that after filming a "pilot" just over a year ago now - it appears that the actual series might be a total reality. O_o...

It looks like I have a cast (or at least most of) and as I sit and write up character sheets and review script ideas, I can not even close to believe that this could be a reality. It's really all just for fun. No one has any extensive training on this, or anything. But, I've had multiple people tell me now that I have some kind of natural talent and I need to go to school for it.

Honestly? I would LOVE to go to school for all of this jazz. I have had acting training (although admittedly, I need WAY more, and would love to get it) the biggest problem (Which everyone faces now days) is a severe lack of cashola. The exact contents of my pockets might actually create moths.

Now having been part of Beckinfield since early January, I have been raised to a point of realizing that when everyone keeps telling me that I can do this... Maybe, in fact, I can O_o... I was contacted by the staff a few times and told that I am doing well, and that I have produced "stellar" videos in the past. But what is perhaps more exciting to me, is the fact that in the line up of "most watched videos" - while none of them were "me" and "my character" out of the twelve, FOUR of them were made by yours truly. I was astounded.

My father (who has actually written film scores before) has offered to not only ACT for this project, but to also write us our OWN music. GASP! Then there's my next door neighbor, who not only happens to be an actor, but also flat out offered to be the serial killer character in this whole debacle!

Uh... YES?!??!?!

Even though this is all entirely for fun, and no one hopes to get "famous" or "rich" or even really "noticed" I can't imagine the amounts of FUN we will have just getting this off the ground. I am totally stoked.

We are looking at cameras, microphones, and trying to figure out where we can get the money, cut costs, etc.

Then there's me... The person who's writing, directing, and has (stupidly) decided to take on one of the main characters.

God...? O_O Admittedly, I am no one.

One Breath - LKJSlain

Just one breath... if it's all the same. One moment and then I realize Now, this is your game. ... Quickly I am cornered in my very own cage. Won't let you overcome me now All I have is my rage. There you are pounding, and yes you're trying to get in. There you are knocking against the inside of my skin. Crawling like a weak animal certainly won't save me and trying hard to run away might even more enslave me. STAY AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE And yet... I'm just drawn to you. It's the smell isn't it? Can't breathe when I'm around you. One breath, and it comes flooding back The very thing that turns me on. One breath and I clench my fists, and pray that it will soon be dawn. Are you friend or are you brother, Are you ghost or real? Leave me alone please? I just don't want to feel. - LKJSlain

A Thought on Lust

Delightful image
in my mind.
Oh, delightful image,
you are unkind.

Go away,
lest you fuel
The aching
that I have for you.

You peaceful tormentor-
you aim to snare!
You make me insane,
can't find the air.

You drive me to madness
You've only begun
Your visage- a bullet
and me- the gun

Never so desperate
Need to hide
Never a thought
of sweeter suicide.

To my temple,
pulling back
kill me quickly,
fade to black.

Over come
to feel your skin
to drink you up,
to take you in.

To come over you
as you lay bare,
To whisper your name
to touch your hair.

Poisoned now,
because it's hatched
the salacious itch
that I can not scratch. - lkjslain